I VOWED I would never do this...

...but I actually have the Bachelor on TV right now. In case you are wondering why I've stooped to this level of reality TV, it is because I am currently attempting to complete 8 hours of online "safe driver" education to get out of a ticket I got over the summer (boo!!). What better way to pass the horrid and boring time than with a 2 hour premiere?! (oh and just to be clear, I totally jumped on the Flavor of Love (Season 1) bandwagon back in the 2000s (ha!), so this better be just as entertaining. FLAVA FLAV!!)

I have never actually seen the Bachelor, but I, like every sane/normal 20something, know what it is. From what I can gather the bachelor (Jake) is one of the losers from the Bachelorette. And that bachelorette was one of the losers from the Bachelor before that. Crazy and confusing, I know. But I guess that makes sense - you keep your viewers by transitioning nicely from one season to the next.

First, I don't understand how a hot and seemingly normal guy can end up single at the age of 31 (and he is totally and completely obsessed with finding a wife out of this...I'm sorry, but did I miss something here?! Since when are guys DYING to be engaged?! And to a women he barely knows?! The universe is crashing in!!). He is probably a d-bag or a total weirdo. For some reason I just can't comprehend how it is a good idea to allow a network like ABC to select your FINAL 25 choices for a wife (case in point, the show on after the Bachelor is called Conveyor Belt of Love. I really don't need to explain much more than that). But whatever. What interests me about this show is the fact that putting 25 (yes TWENTY FIVE) young and probably crazy women in a house with one dude is a complete recipe for disaster. ESPECIALLY if their whole purpose for being in said house is to win over ONE dude's heart. Oh and who doesn't love judging a house full of psycho women? Let the jealous rage begin!!

Mr. Chips does NOT approve of reality tv.

DIY C-Section

Many thanks to Shannon for opening my eyes to this amazing piece of literary genius. And I apologize for the somewhat disgusting nature of this post's title. Please read on...

Save yourself the torture and skip reading the Twilight books. I got through about half of the first one and then realized that drinking a handle of cheap vodka would probably be better for my brain. I know the basic gist of the stories (since it is REALLY hard to avoid Twilight these days), and I think this cartoon pretty much sums up the entire melodramatic teenage c section-your-own-demon baby saga. 

Need a bigger version? Click here.

Of course I had to send this to Brian as soon as I saw it, since he is completely appalled by the idea of a vampire giving his "wife" a c-section with his vampire teeth. I just threw up a little actually. Brian is an avid cracked.com reader and came across this Twilight gem. Between the cartoon above and the cracked.com article, you should be able to find out anything you ever needed to know about Twilight. Any other fantastic Twilight commentary out there?!

Eat Your Heart Out Pumpkin Spice Latte

I must preface this entry with the following tidbit: So you probably know by now that I despise the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks. I read all the hype about it on the blogosphere so I figured I just had to go see what the deal was. I was extremely disappointed in the ridiculously overpriced concoction that was served to me and I vowed to stay away from pumpkin flavoring from thence forth. And I even LIKE pumpkin flavors.

Now that I am trying to stay away from caffeine (thanks stomach) I have had to be creative with my beverage selections. No more grande nonfat 2 equal lattes for this little lady. So today I decided to grab a quick lunch at a local coffee shop near my house (I'm working from home today) called Stir Crazy. The place is cute, local, funky, and yet somewhat overpriced in my opinion. But anyways I digress. I scanned the drink menu for something warm and toasty (our house is COLD) and came across "warm pumpkin chai." My gut instinct was to stay very far away from anything squirted with pumpkin flavor. But, of course, rather than listen to logical reasoning I went for it, "just to see." And HOLY MOTHER what a DELICIOUS impulse buy that was!!! This pumpkin chai is probably the best beverage I have ever tasted. It ACTUALLY tastes just like melted pumpkin pie - sorry Pumpkin Spice Latte, you tasted like melted plastic. I am completely in love with this beverage and really proud of myself for sticking up to the Pumpkin Spice Latte fiends. Now let's just hope chai is caffeine free...it is right?!

Trash TV Tuesday...A recap

I don't know about all of you, but I love the trash TV that comes on on Tuesdays. Another good thing about Tuesdays is that Brian plays poker on these nights ("safe" poker - not the kind where he actually has to bet his own money. This is at a restaurant/bar, not a casino), so he is usually gone from about 7pm - 11pm (sometimes later when he wins, and he often does). So on a typical Tuesday I'll come home from work, grab a quick dinner, and Brian will be off. Then I can settle in on the couch and tune into the trash. I find this a completely acceptable thing to do, especially considering I only do it once a week. The trash is just SO TRASHY on Tuesdays that it is hard to resist. Let's take a look at my hourly play-by-play...

8:00pm
I'm usually done eating/blogging/surfing the internet/cleaning/whatever at this point. Just in time for Jon & Kate Plus 8 ridiculousness along with some America's Got Talent, 90210, and Real Housewives of Atlanta mixed in there too. I don't usually watch any of these shows all the way through...I prefer to mix and match my trash, at least for the first hour. I used to think J&KP8 was cute and interesting, but now I, along with most people, find it pretty disturbing. I always thought Kate was a controlling b*tch and Jon was a weird balding whipped jerk. Now these sentiments have been confirmed. The kids are still cute, so at least they have that going for them. AGT usually keeps me entertained during the commericals of the other shows. But I HATE how awkward it is when someone really sucks but they think they are really awesome. So sad. 90210 intruiges me because the characters look SO OLD even though they are supposed to be 15 or whatever. Talk about melodrama! The plots are so nuts and confusing that I have no idea what is going on in this show. I continue to watch anyways, just in case I start to "get it". And finally RHofA. There are really no words to describe these whack-o women. I enjoy RHofNY or OC, but Atlanta?!?! Another "there-are-commercials-on-every-other-channel" type of show for me.

9:oopm
Now the real fun begins. NYC Prep. If you watch this show then you know how utterly ridiculous it is. The kids on this show make me look back on my high school years and wonder why I wasn't beat up or attacked by the "cool" kids on a regular basis. I mean, HOLY CRAP! These kids party, "hook-up" (whatever that means), galavant around Manhattan, live WITHOUT THEIR PARENTS in the city, go to fashion shows, and spend entirely too much time getting ready in the morning. Half of that stuff I didn't do until I GRADUATED COLLEGE at the age of 24. And these kids are 15 and 16. I was a total nerd at that age. I didn't even THINK about galavanting around, let alone living without my parents!! Honestly, it makes me fear for my future children. But at the same time, my future kids won't be growing up in that kind of environment. I am totally and completely intruiged by this show. It blows my mind to think that people live like that (not in a bad way, it is just SO DIFFERENT than how I grew up in NC). I hope they have a 10 year reunion with these kids because I am so curious to see how they turn out. Bravo does it again!

10:00pm
Tori and Dean with a dose of Miami Social. I must say that I enjoy watching Tori and Dean. Their old show sucked so I am surprised that I feel this way. I think Tori Spelling is a little crazy, but I enjoy her antics and always-perfectly-done-up look. I do think she is way too thin though. Especially after popping babies out of her oven. I hope they have more kids. As for MS, I usually flip over to Bravo during the commericials of T&D. Although I admit that I get sucked into MS and end up missing large chunks of T&D. Decisions, decisions. Anyways- so MS is basically about a bunch of rich, "successful", random 20-30 something socialites living the good life in Miami. Some of them are gay. Some of them are divorced. Some of them are workaholics. Some of them have children that they ship off to boarding school in Switzerland. All of them are crazy, overly concerned with their looks, and probably on drugs (prescription and otherwise). There is no real plot to the show other than the fact that this group of "cool kids" meets on the roof of some expensive hotel (?) once a week to gossip about how fabulous they are. The rest of the show is about their real estate ventures, plastic surgeries, and psycho foreign girlfriends. The nice mix of gay/straight/male/female/crazy/more crazy/hot/thinks they're hot/rich/daddy's money rich makes this show oobertrashtastic.

11:00pm
I have usually migrated up stairs by this point and often end up falling asleep around 10:50 (this makes the Bravo/Oxygen teasers for next week's 10spots even more fun to watch throughout the week). However, this week I managed to catch a few minutes of Addicted to Beauty on Oxygn. This show highlights a "Medical Spa" called Changes and the Botox-ridden staff working there. I could only bear to watch about 15 minutes of this trash. It was just that trashy. In a nutshell, the staff of this "spa" talk about themselves and how much plastic surgery they have received/want, all the while trying to service customers (other crazy people like themselves). Don't think I'll be hanging around to watch this one on a weekly basis. A girl's gotta sleep.

I know you all watch trash TV too...so spill it. Any favs?